I don't feel very well....

I am sick. I seem to have picked up a cold that I have been fighting for the last few days. Both Friday and Saturday performances were sub-par for me because I could feel my throat closing up, and my asthma was terrible. I am currently at home trying to take care of myself, and happened to be flipping the channels and came across a show on HDNet. The show is “3 Mo Divas”, and it is a black female version of the Three Tenors, and they cover all styles from opera, to pop, to Broadway. It is great show, and I remember reading about the auditions last year and was too chicken to go try out for the show. I can’t help but kick myself just a little (okay, a lot), because the diva who was just on stage sang one of my favorite show-stopping songs from “Wicked”. Not only that, but the idea of doing a show that encompasses all styles is so appealing to me and definitely on my dream performance list. All I could think as I listened was “Why am I not doing something like this right now?”

If Charles were here he would tell me to stop beating myself up for sure, especially after the great experience I have had this week with “Hair”. I do pretty well most of the time, I try to be content for where I’m at and not to always be looking out to where I want to be, but when I see performers doing exactly what I wish I was stepping up to do, it’s hard. I am such a late bloomer artistically, I feel like I’m just so far behind in becoming the artist I want to be.

I really need to take my art more seriously than I do. The only thing has prevented me from being more successful thus far is my lack of focused effort to refine my craft. When I see fine performances it really makes me put my own actions under a microscope and I am finding them lacking. It's worse when I see people doing exactly what I wish I could do. Right now I could easily throw a brick through the television, but I’ll settle for changing the channel instead.

Clearly I am in the mood to wallow in self-pity for a while, so I think I will stop before it gets worse. I will post later when I’m feeling better.